Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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