does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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