When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
