he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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