South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
