Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
