I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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