she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
