He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize