Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
