you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
