shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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