So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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