Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
