the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize