Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
