i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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