Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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