R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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