Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize