to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
