I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
