Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
