I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
how does that bad decision feel?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
