Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
