I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
