you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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