How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Randomize
