nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
we're so committed to being not committed
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
