Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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