addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
