So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Never joke about your clitoris.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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