Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
