I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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