so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
My dad just said "fuck circus"
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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