What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
