she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
