so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
