The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize