Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
