I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
