dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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