So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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