hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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