he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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