foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
