And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
