I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
A+ Viking dick
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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