some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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