Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
