His pubic hair was longer than his dick
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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