dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
