His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
