Pappa wants mamma naked
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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