Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
