There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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