i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
