we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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