Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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