Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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