i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I would fuck him just for his dog
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
