im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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