Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
