i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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